dang girl are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
That is quite possibly the weirdest and most carefully thought out pickup line I’ve ever read. I applaud you.
i’m that friend that has to walk behind the group when the path isn’t big enough. i’m that friend that gets cut off in the conversation. i’m that friend that gets left behind when i asked for them to wait for me. i’m that friend that doesn’t get invited to hang out alot. i’m that friend that if i want to go to the mall or some place with a friend i have to be the one to invite people to make sure i get included. i’ll always be that friend.
my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.
i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed
this post is one of my best by a landslide
Anonymous asked: What's it like being an adult
"should i buy a news paper? i have the cnn app? does that count? should i buy a coffee maker? it will probably save me a lot of money? but then i have to buy coffee beans? i dont know shit about coffee beans! should i act like i’m reading this bottle of wine for a few minutes before i head straight to the discount vodka section? should i go to the supermarket and buy broccoli? i fucking hate broccoli did i just get invited to a fucking dinner party .. …what do you bring to a dinner party???? TAX SEASON SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! wakes up staring at a ceiling that is not my own ..did i just burn toast? how did i make it this far in life without fucking DYIGN i’m so DUMB and sTUPD and i cant do anyhtign right.. yeah hey mom yeah i’m fine how are you"
oh god TOO REAL